* something unwanted to know *

i knew myself so well than the others,
include anyone who is close to me,
because i am who i am * sounds lame right*
i don't denied to what people said about me,
no matter is compliment or complain,
neither of the C&C which i mentioned,
i do accept it.
and i do admit sometimes my expression shows my feeling where myself did not realise at all,
lots of people said i look so ego when the first impression on me.
i truly believe that if a person with you for certain period,
you will at least get to know his/her behaviour. character and etc much more better compare who less contact with,
and that's when GOD created us to being in a relationship,
which give us time to learn to tolerate among each other,
and observe and see whether he/she is the one.

i get to know something unwanted to know tonight,
it was fucking hurt and it did make me felt so unhappy.
i never knew i was a such person that someone thought.
i was like fucking 'cheap' as they told me,
seriously i wouldn't care are they being serious or just joking around,
as those words already goes into my ear..
and then it process in my mind where it transmit the message into my brain,
then a signal transfer to my eye,
and that's when my tears drop after i listened.
i cried so hardly and loudly,
no one hears me.
i was telling myself not to cry and whenever i cried, i thought of music.
i look into my iPhone and search for a song to calm myself down *where usually it makes me cry more harder*
and i found this song - dry my eyes.
it cheers me up and i do stop crying after that.
i start to realise i am able to stand the loneliness and sadness alone,
which i used to call my best bud and express my feeling,
everyone is busy with their own life and i shouldn't be so selfish,
perhaps if i did not call them they will be less worry about me, am i right?
i hope am still a little girl in their heart * sometimes i wonder I'm no longer*
and sometimes i do feel very lost,
then i will thought of negative ways ~ *slap*

turn off the songs and set silent mode on my phone,
the phone keep ringing and blinking,
i keep it far away from me so that i can ignore it.
wipe off my tears and put on my blanket,
i told myself is time to sleep and then i close my eyes.
is hardly to sleep at the moment but after a couple of hours,
my eyes couldn't stand it anymore and then i sleep so soundly till the next morning.

p/s: i am not that weak as u thought, i am stronger that you'll never expected. and is all just depends on me either i want it or not.

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oh ya!
just before i forgotten this let me voice out here,
someone is trying to behave sooooooooooo good these days,
being ignore was sooooooooo fun huh?
i couldn't bother any of this,
because this was really fucking annoying to me...
hohohoho.. cny is going end soon,
let's see how many days it could left to be sooooooo wonderful...
and now i started to know why some of others will change to evil in a sudden...
i think i could understand their feeling,
to certain people like them, that's the best way to be treated i can say.

i can be an angel to you if you're good to me,
i can be a devil to you if you're trying to do sth bad on me.. =P